The day my first ever Jess’ Journey column came out, we had fried chicken and chips from my favourite takeaway for dinner. Not only did we have that but the fizzy drink – the one I swore off in my last column – also made an appearance. I am proud to say that I didn’t drink it. Not even a single drop.
The chicken and chips though is another story. I took a bite of the chicken and it was glorious, the way it always is at first. It was perfectly golden, crispy, but tender and juicy on the inside.
Then there were chips in all their deep-fried goodness. I took a few more bites but it seemed like after every bite, the yumminess was being replaced with something else.
I should not be eating this. I should have gone to the gym today. I should have prepared something nutritious for dinner. Shoulda, woulda, coulda scenarios ran through my head. I took one last bite of my meal and tried desperately to shut out the guilt.
Anyone else do this to themselves too? Indulge and then feel guilty after? Go cold turkey on certain things and then find it hard when the cravings kick in that all you can do is give in to the crippling craving and then mentally kick yourself for not being strong enough? It is a vicious cycle and I want out.
When I decided to take control of my life and start this column, I knew the end game. I wanted to change my lifestyle and not just lose weight. I wanted to be more active. I wanted to feel healthy on the inside. I also wanted to live a balanced life. One where I don’t feel guilty when indulging from time-to-time.
Food is my biggest indulgence. I have many great loves, but my longest standing relationship is with food. If I could change my Facebook status to ‘in a relationship with food’, I would. I am that committed to it. We don’t, however, have the best relationship at times. Food is such a big part of me that sometimes I forget what it’s here for – to provide nutrients, energy, and fuel. So that was the first thing I knew I should work on with this journey. Start with the basics and get fuelled up for the trip.
I started by getting a NutriBullet. It’s something I’ve been wanting to purchase for a long time. It doesn’t help that I am terrible at eating breakfast. It’s the first to go when I’m rushing in the morning. It’s the same thing with cooking. I love it but the busier I get, the more crap I eat because it’s convenient and saves me time. I knew this has got to stop, but as with anything, the first step is always the hardest.
The key to all this I’ve found is preparation. Going grocery shopping in the weekend, hitting the local markets and getting fresh fruits and vegetables for the week. Having a meal plan every day and then spending a few hours to prepare it in the weekend is a system that’s working wonderfully so far. I am proud to say that I have been having daily smoothies for breakfast and eating at a more regular time. For the first time in my life I am also intentionally eating more vegetables and fruits. The next step would be meeting up with a nutritionist and discussing my food intake more but I’ll keep you posted on that.
Right now I am preparing for the biggest battle in this journey. The big E. The one I hate doing with a passion. The one I was nervous about from the start that even thinking about it now is almost enough to make me quit this whole thing.
Exercise. The whole time to get physical thing. If anyone needs me, I’ll be the one hiding in a corner drinking kale, banana, and avocado smoothies.
Jess Molina is a 23-year-old fashion lover, frustrated florist, coffee and tea enthusiast, former radio host, blogger, writer, and fairytale believer. She works in marketing during the day, edits Blacklisted Magazine at night, and organises events on the side. Perpetually trying to lose weight, this time she will. Follow her journey in Fitness Journal and at jess-molina.com